Pro & Con.

You know what sucks?

Moving.

You know what doesn't suck?

Living waaayyy closer to these girls.

Jamaica Recap Coming Soon.....

*This is our entry for the "hugest, cheesiest dorks on the planet go on vacation" photo contest. Think we'll take the trophy?

Summer Makeup Shopping List.

Hi pretty friends!!! (Obviously I assume that you are all women - but, if you are a man and reading my blog...well, I think you're pretty too.)


Long time no talk, huh? Lots has happened in the past 2 weeks... but this post isn't about that. Nope, this post is about something much more important!


SUMMER MAKEUP!


I heart hot weather. Like, it can be 90 degrees and 99% humidity, and I'll run around telling everyone who will listen how beautiful the weather is. (to those 4 1/2 people in the world who actually listen - thank you :) I don't know where you live, but in TX, we have 2 kinds of weather; weather that is hot (like 100 degrees + at least 3 months out of the year), and weather that is "oh my gosh I don't even own a coat and there is a snow flurry so I don't think I should leave the house". Pretty much, its usually hot April - October.


Hot weather + high humidity = bright colored makeup


You don't want to wear a lot of heavy foundation - it will just melt off your face, and leave you looking like someone turned the heat up in Madame Tussuad's House of Creepy Wax Figures Who Look Like Celebrities.


Instead, just use a little cover-up (or tinted moisturizer, if you can get away with it), and then use bright colors and fun summery hues to bring the focus to your eyes, lips, or cheeks!


As far as scents go, keep it light and fun - heavy perfumes just get magnified to unbearable in hot weather :)


A couple of freakinfabulousandgorgeous products that will bring me closer to being Sephora's #1 all time customer (RuPaul and I are currently fighting tooth and press-on nail for the top spot):


Nars blush in Crazed (you didn't know I had a blush named after me, did you?) sephora Pop Beauty Lid Neon sephora
Kiss Kiss Gloss neiman marcus
Rimmel Glam Eyes in Posh Peacock ulta
Vera Wang Glam Princess macy's
Essie polish in Watermelon ulta


Gotta go - happy friday!!!

Saturday Activity Options Brought to You by the Letter 'S'.

Here were my activity options today, in sunny gorgeous Jamaica.

SCUBA: Being trapped underwater with only a tank of air and some breathing apparatus that you're supposed to stick in your mouth (who knows where that mouthpiece has been... ew. ) with the possibility of getting stung by a jellyfish, eaten by a shark, or stabbed through the chest by a stingray.

OR

SPA & SUN: Relax while being massaged, wrapped, exfoliated, and pampered. Then, lay in a comfy chair next to the ocean while drinking delicious calorie-laden, umbrella-sporting drinks.

Bet you can't guess which activity I chose and which one the husband chose.

?

Sigh.

*Updated to add: Click on any item and you will be taken to the polyvore site, where you can see where the item is from/$ :)

On a Scale of 1-100 My Stress Level is 83,746.

My Life (as of right this second) in Bullet Points

• We had 12+ inches of snow in Dallas last Thursday/Friday. I moved here for the warm weather, people.
• Our house was scheduled to be inspected (yes, we got an offer) Friday. Apparently, having no electricity and a giant tree blocking your driveway kind of puts a damper on the inspection process.
• Inspection is today. As in, right now. I'm kind of nervous. Just a little. Ok, a lot. Our house is OLD - not like Zsa Zsa Gabor old (gaudy and 95-ish, more like Meryl Streep old (classy and in its 50's).
• Um, we leave for Jamaica in less than 3 days. I haven't packed yet. This makes me slightly nervous.
• Um, if the inspection goes well, we MOVE in less than 3 weeks (one of which we will be in Jamaica). I haven't packed yet. This makes me really nervous.
• Packing makes me really nervous, apparently.
• We had a fabulous weekend with friends at my family's ranch. Thankfully, there were enough boys in attendance that I wasn't required to accompany the spousal unit on the midnight 4-wheeler ride. As much as speeding 80 mph through the muddy woods in 20 degree weather sounds. No really, it does.
• Lauren and I chose to remain at the house during afformentioned 4-wheeler riding and drink wine and watch Sex & the City. Wise decision, yes?
• I have 13 things on my to do list for work before leaving on vacation this week. No less than 4 of them require driving to Ft. Worth. Crappity, crap, crap. (not Ft. Worth, just driving there).
• Cleaning out the refrigerator in anticipation of our vacation/move is awful. Not having to cook because we have pretty much no food anyway(due to the 2 1/2 day power outage) is great!
• Remember this debacle? My paypal account is now $41.84 richer. I won, I won, I won! *doing happy dance* (p.s. if you commented asking for the seller's name, hold tight, I'll send it to you this week).
• I feel as though my stress level is now a manageable 81, 738. Heck, after phone calls to a few girlfriends, and more than a few glasses of wine tonight it may even get below 80,000!
• Love, kisses, and wine droplets!

Jamaica Packing Challenge - Part Tres (that means 3 in espanol) - Swimsuits!

Goooooooddddd moooorrrnnniiinnnggg campers!!! It's time to open your eyes, wipe the pancake syrup off your face, and get mommy an orange juice (plenty of vodka, don't waste any space with that fruit stuff).

Today, we talk swimwear. I'm thankfully devoid of most body hang-ups when it comes to bathing suits, and attribute it to 5 years of competitive swimming in high school/college. Weird, because I'll spend 25 minutes asking the husband if a sweater makes me look fat - but I'll put a bikini on and skip across a stage in front of 300 people without a second thought. (Come to think of it, I probably should have laid off the chips & margs before doing that, but whatevs.)

Anyhoo - I have my weird body issues like the rest of us (except Marissa Miller and that Miranda Kerr - but they haven't ingested solid food for at least 2 years, so they don't count), but when it comes to swimwear, unless it has the word 'thong' in the description, I'm pretty much down. Needless to say, my favorite part of vacation is getting to run around in almost no clothes and drink things that have umbrellas in them. What's not to love?

Enough with the chat, on to the 'fits!


Swimwear Outfit #1 - The husband, who I pink puffy paint heart bought me this bathing suit last year. I love it, and am eternally grateful that I was able to get the salesgirl to hide anything else that was thong-like or see-through before he saw it.

Swimwear Outfit #2 - This hat will probably be worn almost every day - as I have an aversion to my skin looking like a leather chair (*cough* Kelli Bensimon *cough*).

Swimwear Outfit #3 - My favorite color is animal print. (see below, and #4)

Swimwear Outfit #4 - Obviously. (see above)

I may stick an extra suit or two in my bag, but always end up wearing the same 3 or 4 anyway...

Ok loves, it's been real, but my coffee needs more Bailey's, and it's not going to pour itself, now is it? :)

E-bay, You are the Man. (But Not in the Good Way.)

I bought a really, really pretty dress on e-bay a few weeks ago. I mean, this sucker is super-cute! White House Black Market maxi dress, with a halter neckline, white chiffon with black flowers... and it was only $34!

The bid was so low I thought that I'd never win (a $150 dress for $34 - that's just ridonculous, right?), and was busy and didn't check my e-bay account for a week or so. I prefer to do my shopping in brick & mortar stores, but this deal was so good I just couldn't pass it up!

Lo and behold, I'd won! Since it had been a week, instead of sending me an e-mail (which comes to my rhinestone-bedazzled phone/extension of my arm), the seller decided to open a non-payer case. What??? I declare, in all my e-bay life I have never heard of such stupidity! Everyone knows it's common courtesy to e-mail the buyer/seller first with your issue, then escalate it if there's no response. Of course I paid promptly (duh.) and the dress was on its way.

Imagine my reaction when my eagerly-anticipated package arrived aaannnddd, the dress had a 5 inch rip in the hem, and dirty marks on the lining!!! (it looks like a clumsy-footed imbecile stepped on it whilst tottering in ill-advised heels. Don't walk in heels unless you're balance-blessed people, I'm telling you it leads to bad things.)

I immediately (like, pronto) e-mailed the seller, offering to send pictures of the damage, and saying that I loved the dress so much that I would accept a partial refund just to cover hemming costs.

No response. Waited (impatiently) 3 or 4 days, e-mailed them again. No response.

Reluctantly, because I'm a nice person (shut up), and like things to be sparklybabybunnyfairydusthappydance all the time, I escalated the case to e-bay, sending them a lengthy e-mail detailing my plight.

They decided (5 days after sending me an e-mail saying it would be 48 hours or less) in the FAVOR OF THE SELLER!!!

What. Just. Happened.

Of course they did. The seller has 1,237,894 transactions. I have 12. Therefore, e-bay sided with big business and stepped on the little guy.

Never fear my sweet kiddos, because... e-bay and this seller (whom I've nicknamed uber-biatch of the universe - has a nice ring to it, huh?) have no idea what they've done.

I once made a guy at my bank cry because I had been put on hold no less than 27 times while trying to get some unauthorized charges off my credit card, and I. Was. Done. {"Payment protection what? I didn't sign up for that, fool."}

I also have been known to make medical billing offices sob a tear or two after getting a $600 bill for echocardiogram they give my husband while he was in the ER for the STOMACH FLU. I can only imagine what THAT doctor was thinking, "Hmmm, healthy 30-something, not overweight, doesn't smoke, complaining of nausea, vomiting, and fever. There is a stomach virus going around that is so rampant it's been in the news. Must be a heart attack!". Yeah, that went over well when I got back from the bathroom and found the nursewhodidn'tspeakenglish pulling the little echocardiogram death-box on wheels out of the room.

I digress.

The point of this story? Don't buy anything from seller "emailmeforthenamecauseiamnotgoingtostooptoherlevel", (aka uber-biatch of the universe) because you might not get what you paid for.

We'll return to normal happy programming after I've given 'The Man' what for.

Thankssomuchloveyoukissesbye.

True Love.

My husband is not exactly a go-with-the-flow kind of guy. He follows me around with a vaccuum, has worked successfully in a very competitive industry for 20 years, and is NOT ok with eating potato chips in bed (what? travesty.)

But, he allows himself to be forced to watch Will & Grace every. single. night. before bed, and he never complains once.

That, my friends, is true love. (or, that he realizes that he has no other choice? We'll stick with true love on this one.)

Some little gems, courtesy of Karen. I'm pretty sure that I'll be thinking #3 at work today at some point. But then again, who doesn't?

1). "I'm fabulous. I'm an incredible dresser, I've got buckets of money, I'm a hoot-and-a-half, and I've got a killer rack."

2). "Rule #1. Unless you're in a frosted glass, never come within 4 feet of my lips."

3). "I'm too tired to slap you. Bash your face against my palm."